“If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down.”-Buddha
My husband and I were on the other side of town and determining where we should meet for lunch before an appointment. Let me paint you a picture, our community is barrier islands off the coast of the U.S. state of North Carolina, separate from the mainland and has Route 12, and the beach road. If you catch my drift, we only have two roads, the other side of town is ridiculously close to where I spend the majority of my time.
I wanted to eat at this coffee-house which has been established for several years now, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN. This coffee-house is very popular, I have heard it has awesome vegetarian food, Kombucha on tap, and free wi-fi. Many of my friends have wanted to go listen to bands there in the summer and I have refused. They have a wonderful heated outside area for the cooler nights and comfortable furniture to spread out if you want to bring a laptop. So, what has been my hang up for not wanting to go to this AWESOME place? It didn’t register with my husband until we got to the check out. Ohhhhhhhhh….
We walked up to the counter to place our order and there she was and as she turned around to take our order, my husband looked at me like what is Michelle doing? This very nice person told us all the specials, had a huge smile, and was very welcoming to Rich and I as we placed our order. We took our number and went and sat in the corner of this really cool coffee-house restaurant.
My husband immediately asks, “Wow, I am shocked and can’t believe you are being this brave and a bigger person.” Prior to him saying this I had sent my best friend, whom is friends with this person and never understood, WHY I COULD NOT, LET SHIT GO! I sent her my pin of where I was, she wrote, “Awesome step. I know that’s a big one for you. But yeah, life is better without resentment and regret.” Hell yeah!
The beef between the owner of this coffee-shop and myself went back to my banking years. This woman started working for the same bank I was working at, and because I thought I was a badass of this tiny little barrier island in banking. The only thing I could cling to for many years, was my ego, or what I considered my only identity. Through some tough soul-searching, I realized my banking ego was just a tiny piece of who I am. Now, I don’t even work for a bank any more. It is very easy to get attached to what we think we are and never go within and find the person we were meant to be.
The real stupid resentment, for this person, came from her wanting to kick me out of my cushy, big, and bad ass corner office. This was just the start of my dislike for this person and then it snowballed. I thought she was the devil and was out to get me. In reality, I just couldn’t let shit go!
I am so happy to see this old nemesis, or person I held resentment for do well. Her restaurant is amazing and I plan to go back. It sounds simple, the process of letting Shit go but it really isn’t. It takes a lot of work and it’s not from someone telling us how to do it. A health and life coach is someone who listens with curiosity, exercises compassion and then offers a few recommendations to propel them forward. People have to heal themselves.
In my house we use the word RESET a lot. My husband and I are learning to say RESET, which is a code word to step away from the discussion and revisit later when we can compose our thoughts. The same goes for our kids. I have one teenager and a very moody preteen girl and the word RESET can be so helpful when you are getting no where in your disagreement.
Below I am going to leave some great references to the process of RESET, LETTING SHIT GO, and most importantly LEARNING TO NOT HOLD ON TO RESENTMENT!
In the last two days I have done everything but my intention. My intention is to write this blog on Depression and the thoughts from ideas and research on the topic. I will now finish my story about my son Jackson and daughter Peyton.
Jackson was 8 years old and my daughter Peyton was 4 years old. This particular occurrence happened over 6 years ago. On a lovely Sunday morning, the entire family decided we were going to go to our local grocery store and grab a few items for the beach. If you have children, especially when they are small you bring six car loads of toys, supplies, life jackets, towels, sunscreen, umbrella, chairs, and snacks. The snacks are a very important item in our small town community. Sunday afternoons, in the summer, we would meet other families at the same beach access, and 20 plus kids would share with each other.
The trip to the grocery store was to be swift and with purpose. We parked the car and the kids skipped ahead of us. Richard and I were talking and not paying full attention to the kids. The adults in this story grabbed a grocery cart, unaware of our kids already in the store with one of those Super-carts(the ones which resemble a Race car) and already had a salient plan of action. Richard and I steered our grocery cart to the left, where the produce section was located. If my memory serves correctly, Richard was asking me should we get more bananas when a noise of a loud smash a glass and liquid splashing everywhere, could have been heard 75 miles away, at the Virginia state line.
I would call this a mothers instinct or a mother knows the impossible is possible. We were in the grocery store for maybe 45 seconds when this incident happened. My adrenaline kicked in and I looked over to the wine section. To my complete distress, my son who was 8 years old(the older and more logical thinker) was sitting inside the cart, and my daughter was 4 years old( the mastermind of this plan) had her hands on the handle bars of the cart. I look over the crime scene, and the perfect pyramid of wine crates were scattered and broken all over the nice white tile. It was all red wine and it was spread from the wine section, the bread section, down the produce area, and now flowing toward the check out lanes.
I run frantically over to this crime scene, and by this time my two kids are out of the cart, standing perfectly still with their heads down. I am observing the scene and I was adding in my head what must have been at least a $1000 worth of damaged wine bottles. I am in pure dismay and here comes about 10 employees running over to assess the damage. I felt like Keanu Reeves, in the movie, The Matrix. I am referring to the scene Keanu tries to talk, but he has no mouth. I finally was able to say, “I am so sorry and I would be glad to help clean this up and pay for the damage.” The store manager, which looked like he had tears in his eyes, “Ma’am its okay we can take care of this,” I turned around to say my husband and I were so extremely sorry, and when I turned to bring him into the conversation I realized he wasn’t standing beside me. I would find out later, as soon as he heard the noise he knew what happened too and ran to the car.
The kids and I with pure humiliation paid for the 3 items that were in my cart and walked at a very fast pace to the car. My husband was already parked in front of the store for our quick getaway. The silence was so severe in the car ride. We live five minutes from the grocery store which felt like an hour-long drive. The kids in the backseat held their heads down. When we pulled into the driveway and parked the kids jumped out, ran into the house and each went to their rooms and shut the door. We didn’t go to the beach this particular Sunday.
What does the above story have to do with Freedom from Depression? I explained earlier this was 6 years ago. When this incident happened Richard and i were engaged but not married. We were both divorced from previous spouses. I had these two precious children from my previous marriage and Richard came into their life when they were 6 and 2 1/2 years old. Again what does this have to do with Depression?
Remember I am not a doctor, scientist, or in the medical field. I am going back to school to be a Health and Life Coach.
Freedom from Depression and why I think its possible. We only have one brain, but there is the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere. Each hemisphere specializes in certain behaviors. The left brain takes on more logical abilities, such as calculations and math. The left side is said to be more dominant for most people. The right brain is more specialized in visual, imagery, and music.
Here is where Depression gets interesting and why my story will delineate causes of depressive behavior. In the brain we have the Hypothalamus which drives emotion and survival. This is the smallest part of the brain but it has the biggest most important roles. I think of a Hippopotamus but they are very large.
The Hypothalamus controls the Fight or Flight biological reaction. When this is triggered, heart rate increases, breathing becomes shallow, adrenal glands secrete epinephrine(adrenaline) and norepinephrine. Basically a stressful situation disturbs equilibrium and the person experiences negative feelings and struggles to cope with these factors.
In Dr. Piparo’s many studies in 2014, there was at least 42,000 suicide deaths . Suicide is the 4th largest killer in the United States. My question is why are we not addressing this? I believe we still have a huge stigma around mental health. When we talk about Depression, this includes anxiety, self-worth, and isolation.
The underlying factors are biology, stress, anxiety, grief, life changes, alcoholism, drug abuse, and effects of medication and nutrition deficiencies.
The two things which are common with all people who suffer from depression are, over active fight or flight reflex, and poor self esteem. The hope is if we can promote processes we can make positive mental health.
“I prescribe skills, not pills.”
Dr. Tony Piparo
People suffering with Depression have smaller hippocampus, which means smaller fewer serotonin receptors. Serotonin contributes to happiness, wellbeing, mood, balance, and with smaller amounts could lead to depression. Anyone want to go to a yoga class?
One thing in thepeaksolution.com , we are not victims of our own birth. We do have the power to not become a suffer of depression. I recently did the 23andme and it gives you some of the genetic health risks from your DNA. There are so many genes and variants but as I look at depression, it is a disease. I think we can reverse it. The average age for a depression diagnosis is 29. I have heard a lot of people say Ancestry.com is good as well.
If you read the beginning of my blog. It was obvious I was in complete Fight or Flight. Believe it or not I didn’t visit this particular grocery store for months because of pure embarrassment. Some of the employees who were there still tease my kids when they come in with me. There is one employee who would remind me each time how much she cried because it took her all day to clean the mess up. I would do everything I could possibly avoid her until a couple of years ago. I asked my self why am I doing this? I was trying to avoid those feelings inside me when I had to remember the incident. It doesn’t bother me anymore.
Two things from Dr, Anthony Piparo ,I would like to share with you to remember when you feel anxious or depressed. I want to thank Dr. Piparo because he on his website he discusses how Test Anxiety in children is a link to adult anxiety and depression. I am always about Awareness, Education and Inspiration.
Here are the two things:
Putting on a wrist band on and snap it each time you start worrying.
Use the sideways 8. By circling this imaginary 8 you are breathing in and out and making your breathing slower.
****These two things slowdown the over active Fight or Flight reaction.
One last thing about how you can help a good cause. Dr. Anthony Piparo has a step son who lives in the U.K. He has decided to put his energy into something so wonderful. I am an avid runner and admire anyone who cycles. Mike, the Step-Son is planning on cycling in the U.S. 1,000 miles starting June 1st 2018. He will start in Wisconsin and cycle all the way to Greensboro, N.C., where his brother T.J. who passed away lived.
If you want to follow his journey he has a YouTube channel. Here.
Thank you for reading this blog. I want to thank all the sources again below. In my studies around Life and Health Coaching, your lifestyle needs to be in balance before we get to the Secondary Food we put on our plate!.
To add some nutritional advise and some emotional support. The juice from an orange or even tangerine is like a burst of sunshine. If you feel sad, down, or weepy than I recommend you eat a orange or tangerine. These two fruits take out the emotional feelings and fill us with warmth instead!